tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post8879521519413616967..comments2024-03-28T05:11:05.361-04:00Comments on What about your saucepans?: Is beating children right?Lindsayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-49599102854753231932016-03-18T17:55:34.083-04:002016-03-18T17:55:34.083-04:00Thank you so much Pam, and I am pleased you are en...Thank you so much Pam, and I am pleased you are enjoying the blog. I love it when Dominicans enjoy what I think and feel about their country.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-86512760791236305602016-02-03T19:42:17.740-04:002016-02-03T19:42:17.740-04:00Hi Lindsay!
First of all I have to say since I fo...Hi Lindsay!<br /><br />First of all I have to say since I found your blog some weeks ago I have been reading every single post from the beginning because your blog is fantastic!!! I love seeing my country from the eyes of such a wonderful and creative person. Such sincerity in your posts, showing both the good and the bad. I am very grateful because you are showing me things about my country I didn't even know.<br /><br />Well, I've been tempted to write a comment before, but I wanted to get up to date with the posts first. This post, though, was so well written I had to thank you. Thank you for wanting to do something about it, thank you for caring. I currently live in Puerto Rico, I am 23, and I am familiar with the "dominican punishment", and it also breaks my heart to think about it. I do believe it is mostly fear what makes these children behave so well, and I hope parents will show more love and teach their children respect in different ways. I have no children, I am not even married yet, but when I become a mother I want to remember what I am writing now, to stay away from physical punishment as much as I can, and to talk, explain, and show love to my children.<br /><br />Thank you Lindsay,<br />Pam ^_^Winic Fernandezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13356617947701169190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-18543613808655509212012-12-07T17:16:37.761-04:002012-12-07T17:16:37.761-04:00My child is one of those sweet, well behaved Domin...My child is one of those sweet, well behaved Dominicans you mention, and we do not spank her. I spanked her only once, and it was a stupid thing to do. I realized that the spanking was an expression of my own frustration and did not constitute a lesson to the child. I swore I would never spank her again, and I haven't. There was once a family to-do when my mother in law saw fit to slap the child, and I objected and told her not to do it again. The family, as you know, is very matriarchal in its way, the grandmother wields a lot of influence, so she didn't take it kindly, but there are better ways to educate a child and a grown up hitting a smaller being is just a form of tyranny.Jon Andersonhttp://moreaquestion.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-7522008727613861242012-10-06T14:07:11.516-04:002012-10-06T14:07:11.516-04:00I agree with you estirador - kids here are very po...I agree with you estirador - kids here are very polite but I do not know if it is out of fear or respect. I think on the whole it is respect, especially for teachers although the poorer kids tend to have more respect for the adults than the richer ones. People I know teaching in private schools for richer children have a much harder time of it than those teaching in the public school system. The copying of parents is vital - somehow the circle of violence needs to be stopped and not passed down from generation to generation.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-22940014401909054162012-10-06T04:04:40.829-04:002012-10-06T04:04:40.829-04:00This was our subject of discussion last dinner. T...This was our subject of discussion last dinner. Though none of us have kids, some do work with children and we come from different backgrounds, hence have differen childhood memories of punishments and education. I do not advicate physical (or even phsycological) violence, however you find that kids in the UK are very rude and have no respect for adults. Because they know they cannot be punished, they abuse the situations and it is not unusual to hear about teachers attacked by students. There has to be a solution in between these 2 extremes! I believe that children need to be educated by example, so whatever you do at home is essential to develop their behaviour and you can't tell to do something if you don't do it yourself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-16488885153479562682012-10-04T11:07:15.521-04:002012-10-04T11:07:15.521-04:00I think everyone agrees that children need to be d...I think everyone agrees that children need to be disciplined it is just the severity of it that I disagree with. Agree with you Brien better parent to keep the child on the rails than the police. But if the kids get used to flogging being right then they will just do the same to their kids - or to people if they themselves become a policeman.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-13309035338806876942012-10-03T17:33:27.245-04:002012-10-03T17:33:27.245-04:00Growing up in the Caribbean I was no stranger to f...Growing up in the Caribbean I was no stranger to flogging. My mother wouldn't flog us when she was angry, and reserved the egregious cases for my father to handle. He flogged me once, for hopping on a truck while it was reversing - funny how I still remember that after 40 years. And I never tried any dumb stuff like that anymore. You don't want to stunt a child's development, and surround them with constant flogging as even this method loses it's effectiveness after awhile. But sometimes when there are lessons to be learned, I prefer they be from a caring, loving parent. The flip side of this is the discipline could maybe one day come from the police. . . Briennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-34576816470029293522012-10-03T13:56:42.201-04:002012-10-03T13:56:42.201-04:00My father used his belt for punishment although no...My father used his belt for punishment although not to the severity that you mentioned here. This was in the US and I learned many lessons from my father's belt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-35916500833014479682012-10-03T08:08:09.288-04:002012-10-03T08:08:09.288-04:00Or maybe you were right and that helped to make hi...Or maybe you were right and that helped to make him into the person he is today? I think telling children you love them is even more important than discipline. I don't think that happens here, especially amongst the poorer people. I will investigate more.<br /><br />Have put your blog on my blogs I follow list so that I remember to check for your post!Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-92034587418995910402012-10-02T19:35:11.452-04:002012-10-02T19:35:11.452-04:00Well, Lindsay, it was really, really clever and we...Well, Lindsay, it was really, really clever and well-written and provocative and everything. I am going to write it in my own blog, as threatened. Watch for it tomorrow or Thursday, or maybe later in the week. <br /><br />It's a tough subject, the smacking of children. I smacked my young son, when I felt he deserved it; it was always followed by a hug, which seems hypocritical, I guess. Once he accused me of not loving him (as kids do), but I said "No, that's not true. Right now I'm mad as hell at you because of what you did. But love is forever. It's a separate thing." He must have believed me, because he never repeated the accusation.<br /><br />Did it do any lasting damage? I don't know. I have apologised to him, and have been forgiven. We've always been very close, and I was a house-father for five years. He is a gentle chap in his mid-30s now, still something of a hippy. He has never smacked his children, and nor has their mother, and the kids are beautifully behaved. So, maybe I was wrong. Ah well, it's too late now.Gordon Barlowhttp://barlowscayman.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-49842772710130084242012-10-02T13:31:22.012-04:002012-10-02T13:31:22.012-04:00Sorry it disappeared. Now you have me wondering wh...Sorry it disappeared. Now you have me wondering what the comment was!!Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-81408926393672114652012-10-02T13:30:46.832-04:002012-10-02T13:30:46.832-04:00I think they think that telling the child stealing...I think they think that telling the child stealing is wrong just wouldn't work - especially when the kid was hungry. I agree beating will only bring fear though.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-81554370646087870052012-10-02T01:08:13.896-04:002012-10-02T01:08:13.896-04:00Oh dear. I have just typed a very thoughtful comme...Oh dear. I have just typed a very thoughtful comment, Lindsay, but when I clicked on Preview, it sent me to the sign-in page, and the comment disappeared. Infuriating! Serves me right for not saving it first, of course. Never mind, I'll write about it on my own blog one day!Gordon Barlowhttp://barlowscayman.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-1700351404645726152012-10-01T10:55:51.450-04:002012-10-01T10:55:51.450-04:00My heart sank at this post. How awful that the lit...My heart sank at this post. How awful that the little boy was beaten because he stole. There must have been something else the owner of the colmado could do to make the boy understand he was doing the wrong thing. I remember my mom hitting my bottom once in a while, nothing much, at school I was never hit and with my kids I might have hit their bottom 3 or 4 times if that, as I also believe you can solve things through talking and explaining.<br />Hopefully time will bring some change as that type of beating can be quite traumatic I would think! And yes, I think kids might be behaving well out of fear and not out of duty or kindness. In my belief beating does not bring respect but only fear!Samihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06467163627586022816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-89158250702005848212012-10-01T08:51:44.801-04:002012-10-01T08:51:44.801-04:00Yes Mari. It probably needs some sort of overall t...Yes Mari. It probably needs some sort of overall training and education, to teach people about what is right and wrong re child rearing. I am sorry that your neighbour does it as well.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-70667638513465868002012-10-01T08:50:02.346-04:002012-10-01T08:50:02.346-04:00Agree with everything you say! I think what I some...Agree with everything you say! I think what I sometimes took as respect for parents may indeed be fear instead - it is sometimes hard to know the difference.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-21453584701583477782012-09-30T23:26:38.365-04:002012-09-30T23:26:38.365-04:00I believe saying something won't help, as Tony...I believe saying something won't help, as Tonya says you might get yelled at,told to "myob" and they'll keep doing it anyway. My husband and I have tried to do something about it when we see neighbor hitting their kids, but they don't bother to change. The main cause for this is the lack of education, love and communication. Although a great deal has change since our grandparents era, many continue the abuse and think it is OK.Mari Nuñezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04023042517218744561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-59586793000317093472012-09-30T20:17:49.871-04:002012-09-30T20:17:49.871-04:00I'm not sure why they're more well-behaved...I'm not sure why they're more well-behaved. I taught English in an institute for a time there and found the kids WANTED to learn, not like a lot of ungrateful urchins in Canada. I think in that instance, it's because they want an education that they see as a way to progress, where kids in Canada take it for granted. <br />In the situations you're discussing with doing things without being told (setting tables etc) may just be that it's normal for children to help their families with chores and they generally dont just sit around watching tv and playing video games, they're much more active.<br />I think that the society in general values family (not in all ways obviously) and children help their families because they appreciate them more I think.<br />BUT, I do think that fear does have some to do with it. My boyfriend is Dominican and he told me he would fear his father so much, he wouldn't even so much as speak to him when he came home from work for fear of angering him somehow.Tonyanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-1487197707527936722012-09-30T19:43:06.905-04:002012-09-30T19:43:06.905-04:00You are right Ricardo that I cannot seem to be dis...You are right Ricardo that I cannot seem to be disrespectful but to me there is a big difference between a smack and a beating with a belt, stick or rope. Yes caning was a part of British culture, especially in boys public schools but is now against the law there. It is a great job you do and I would love to know how I could educate the people here to stop them beating their kids.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-24649225968166230952012-09-30T19:24:09.974-04:002012-09-30T19:24:09.974-04:00Hi Lindsay , very interesting topic and also very ...Hi Lindsay , very interesting topic and also very personal for me. I am of Caribbean background and definitely not a stranger to corporal punishment in my home growing up. I am now a parent myself and me and my Dominican wife do use this method of punishment at times. What I would like to say as a Child Protection services worker is their is a big difference between spanking and abuse. Some of what you have described sounds more abusive in nature. Also I think it is wise to not interfere in a crowded situation because as a white foreigner you might appear as being disrespectful of the culture. What might be a better intervention is for you to educate the people with whom you have a close and trusting relationship with and hopefully they will be able to see the benefit of alternative measures of punishment. But then again being British corporal punishment is very much part of your culture No? Richardohttp://www.yahoo.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-24679484500573270122012-09-30T18:48:33.663-04:002012-09-30T18:48:33.663-04:00Please do bring the topic up and ask your friends....Please do bring the topic up and ask your friends. It is much more widespread than people think, remember it is not against the law to beat children in the home. I have no idea whether fear makes them better behaved, I know I just hate seeing it.Congrats on your kids!Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-64228298763678841152012-09-30T18:12:53.399-04:002012-09-30T18:12:53.399-04:00And are they better behaved due to fear? I was bro...And are they better behaved due to fear? I was brought up similarly in Canada, and I behaved out of fear, I have raised my two daughters as a single mom very differently and they are very well behaved through respecting and loving them, so no I do not think it's right. My heart sank when I read your blog today.... I have been visiting the country for quite a few years and going back in a week, for 3 weeks, it's a topic I will be bringing up with my RD friends. Thank you Lindsay, keep up the great work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-50663521187501587932012-09-30T15:28:21.732-04:002012-09-30T15:28:21.732-04:00Thanks for posting. I think it is almost worst wat...Thanks for posting. I think it is almost worst watching and not being allowed to do anything than being beaten. Hopefully slowly Dominicans will learn to talk to solve issues instead of using violence.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-31544296562549293702012-09-30T15:16:16.358-04:002012-09-30T15:16:16.358-04:00I lived there for a year with a dominican famuly w...I lived there for a year with a dominican famuly where both the mum and dad hit the children. The worst beating I remeber was when my 7 year ols "little-sister" got hit with a broom over the head so her earing got ripped off and she bleed from the head, and the broom actually broke in two. I was not allowed to interfere but I just couldn't watch without commenting or crying myself, and that usually made the mother uncomfortable enough to stop the beating. In a way, dominicans are taught to solve their issues wirh violence, which probably is the reason to why there are so many unnecessary deaths in the RD. Breaking old traditions is never easy bur with baby steps maybe they'll get there some day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-652113856727227960.post-35828261563098750382012-09-30T14:49:18.319-04:002012-09-30T14:49:18.319-04:00I think you are right re the cycle of violence - p...I think you are right re the cycle of violence - people don't discuss with their partners nor children they hit instead. Lack of education too. I wonder why the children are better behaved?Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10032023667222395286noreply@blogger.com