I went to the colmado this morning and stopped in to see Lala my neighbour. She is 80 and lives with her toyboy 73 year old husband. One of her daughters lives next door. I often call in to have a chat with her, and this morning she asked me about my mother. How old she was and where she lived. I explained that my mother lived in England and would be 80 this year and she asked me who looked after her.No one does, I answered and Lala was appalled. I explained that my mum was fit and well, and that maybe when she needed help she would go into an old people's home. She was totally horrified when I told her that. It just wouldn't happen here. I know that when I become old and infirm, my step children will look after me, and not only that, I will command the most respect in the home. What a great change over the UK. I just hope the boys and their eventual wives know what they are letting themselves in for!
Abuelita stands supreme!!!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! I am already looking forward to it!
ReplyDeleteThis is a prevalent and expected practiced in many ethnic cultures but more so in the Caribbean. To put ones parents in and a senior's home is beyond unthinkable. Seniors Homes are a Western phenomenon. And to think that this part of the world is referred to as Third World. Now really!
ReplyDeleteYou are right. I have learned over the past years how selfish the supposed First World is as it is more important to enjoy ones life and put the parents out of the way so they do not interfere with day to day living. I am now looking forward to my dotage and not concerned with being forgotten and visited every other week, but I will be cared for and loved and most important I will be in charge!
DeleteLucky you! The African cultures also have that same type of attitude towards their elders. It´s probably not always possible in the Western world, with families working full time, most of the times not even living in the same city or country, or depending on the state of health of the elderly, but it would be the ideal situation to have the grandparents at home to help raise the grandkids and give advice and wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI wonder when it changed in the Western World? I know my grandmother's mother lived with her and my mum and aunt, but my grandmother ended up in a home.
DeleteI am terrified of ending up in an old people's home - drugged to the eyeballs to keep me quiet and no Pc or garden. Dominicans have the right idea
ReplyDeleteI think some of them are quite nice these days, and by the time you get there you should be allowed to use a PC! It is the smell of boiled cabbage and pee I wouldn't look forward to!
DeleteAs an almost 50 year old with a new somewhat younger Dominican wife....this is has been a consideration when I think of the sacrifices we both are making to align our lives...she living in Santo Domingo, me working out of my home in Boston. My mom is in a nursing home, and as much as I try to be a good son...her life is a horrible existence. By contrast my father in-law's Dad celebrated his 90th birthday in November in Santo Domingo. Granted his health is better than my moms...but why is that? why is he able to enjoy dancing and drinking with a dozen or more ninos, grand kids and the other folks in the barrio that came out for his fiesta? Could it be that he is cared for and loved by his immediate and extended family many of whom live within minutes of him?
ReplyDeleteI dread being moved to an old folks home for $11,000 a month (this is what it costs for my mom today). I can not imagine this financial burden....or savings needed for me later on. Already my Dominican padres in ley, hermanos and other members of my wife's family have supported me in so many ways. And it is not as if I am Mr. moneybags gringo who flies in every 1 or 2 months with blackerries and cash....fly in every 2 months yes and for weeks at a time (a luxury of time I had while unemployed)....but I have after all been out of work, and very low on cash. My wife's family has been a great help emotionally and financially because I am now part of and have access to that larger family support system. Talk about a blessing!!
What a lovely story Beastwood. When I get fed up with the electricity and water issues, and being bitten to death by mosquitoes I need to remember the real reasons why I am here, and it is a blessing to look forward to growing old with no fear of where I will end up. I think you are right that if you can live as part of a loving community your final years will be richer both physically and mentally. Thanks for your comment!
Deletemosquitos that leave me with regalos the size of golf balls...and man they itch!!! we got em in Boston, but nothing like the Villa Mella kind. But yes there are essential elements of family life in the DR that has all but disappeared from American life...at least in the north east US.
DeleteAnd it is why I can honestly tell my beautiful new padres not to worry about losing their girl into the US forever...I tell them;
"she loves you too much and I love my new family and (part time)country too much."
So next week I start my new job which will have me flying throughout the Americas (mostly US), with a heavy amount of time in Miami and Fort Lauderdale...hence easier to jump home for a weekend in Villa Mella from Florida while we wait on the US to approve my wife's spousal visa.
Congratulations on your new job! Sounds like it will all work out well and fingers crossed for the visa.
DeleteI'm not sure I'd want to be looked after by my children ...! Could be a very interesting experience. Hopefully by then they'll be capable of looking after themselves - and me - in a vaguely sensible way.
ReplyDeleteGood point. I am just hoping the boys will end up with sensible wives who are a tad cleaner and tidier than they are.
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