The week from hell

Well last week was horrid. I think my biorythyms must have been up the spout. It started off with Danilo having to go and play politics on Tuesday, leaving me alone, which is normally fine. My jeep wasn't working as the battery was dead, it has no handbrake and no windscreen wipers. I have managed without the last two for around 6 months - no hill starts and don't go out in the rain, but the lack of battery is difficult to overcome. Hence I was pretty much stranded here as there are no taxis and no motoconchos.

In addition, Meg and Belinda are both in heat so we have to keep them apart from the two unneutered males which takes careful planning. I would love to get them all neutered and spayed but there are no vets here and the nearest are hours away by car, which means if there are any post operative problems they could not sort them. One vet we used before has since died and he was appalling. If you took your dog for any sort of operation he would say it had died and sell it. He was also a taxidermist so taking any animal to him was a major risk. Your beloved pet would be sold or stuffed.

Anyway, Danilo returned on Wednesday evening, but not alone. He brought with him a male Great Dane as he thought it would be a good idea to mate him with Belinda. Now this was a beautiful dog and I love Danes and lots of people have asked us for a Dane puppy, so I thought it was a good plan. Until he announced that he had to leave immediately as he had to go back to do more politics involving a lunch with the ex President. I would be left alone with 6 dogs, 2 in heat, one I didn't know and mating to supervise.I was unimpressed.

Belinda and her mate

At first it seemed like all would be smooth. The Danes got on very well, sat snuggling together on the sofa and he was very calm with me. The cats were totally unimpressed, although Danilo assured me the Dane was fine with cats, but they made a runner into the kitchen and took up residence on top of the kitchen cupboards.

It was decided that the Danes would be in the living room at night and the other two females, Meg and Pandora would be upstairs. Meg is in heat as well and the last thing I want is a Great Dane mating with her. So Meg and Pandora came upstairs for the night.

Meg

Meg is very well behaved so that was no problem. Pandora is not.

Pandora

During the night she single handedly demolished the Christmas tree, ate baubles, bit the head off the fairy, ate one of my favourite flip flops and chewed holes in Chivirico's wellington boots. To say I was not amused is an understatement. Oh and shredded 4 full rolls of toilet paper.

In the morning the fun began. Lobo the husky and Panda his son had to be tied out so they would not fight with male Dane nor impregnate Meg. I managed to do that with no real problem.

Lobo

Then to put the Danes in the dog house for the day and bring Meg and Pandora downstairs, before starting to mop the whole house. Unfortunately Lobo was very unimpressed watching doggy porn in the dog house, or attempted doggy porn as Mr Dane was unable to finish what he kept starting so as to speak. The mind was willing but the flesh was weak and did not seem to be able to achieve a tie as they say in dog language. In other words he couldn't stick it in. Lobo was growling and snarling at him from a distance and Mr Dane decided he had had enough and vaulted out of the dog house and went for him. I went running out and managed somehow to pull the Dane off and had to lift him back into the dog house which was no easy task as he weighs probably almost twice as much as me.Meanwhile the neighbour, Mr Fighting Cock man, was watching me over the fence. I asked him to help and he said he was scared to. So little me managed to get the Dane back into the dog house and disaster was averted. I then had to use a variety of furniture and stack it on top of the wall to stop him jumping out again.

Panda

Panda in the meantime just sat quietly crying and moaning all day as Belinda is his girlfriend and he was well miffed. I don't know if you can imagine the noise of barking, attempted bonking, growling and the stress of trying to keep an eye on all of them.

Danilo returned late at night and then left early the next morning for university, leaving me alone with the chaos for yet another day. Matilda my 13 year old cat who rarely goes outside had disappeared and there was no sign even though I called her. Pandora managed to destroy more things - at least this time they were Danilo's - a pair of socks and one shoe and the house was looking as if a bomb had hit it. Once again Lobo started being very aggressive and the Dane was looking ready to jump out of the dog house so I tried to pull Lobo away by his tie out. All I managed to do was get the tie out wrapped around my thumb as Lobo yanked on the other end -I am pretty sure it is broken as it was black and swollen and very painful. I managed to get one of Danilo's weights into the garden and wrapped the tie out around it so that Lobo couldn't get close to the dog house and went to the colmado for a well deserved bottle of rum. Neighbour Barbara said my thumb would soon be better as she smeared Bikbaporoo onto it. Vicks Vapour Rub if you didn't know is the cure for everything, including broken thumbs.

On top of all this chaos, Danilo had casually mentioned as he left that morning, that a tree had got in the way as he was reversing (I am sure you remember he cannot drive backwards at all) and he had destroyed the back of the car, including smashing the back window and lights, and the hard drive on my computer was dying at a rate of knots which meant the computer kept freezing up or wouldn't start at all.

The reason for the whole chaos, the Dane, was still a happy boy although exhausted by his numerous attempts at impregnating Belinda.

And they sat there in the evenings like a happily married couple.

Danilo returned at night and brought a friend with him and together they cleaned the house from top to bottom and in the morning the Dane returned to his owner and peace returned to the Wasp House. The missing cats returned and all was well. Mr Dane's owner says Belinda might still be pregnant - we wait and see.

Have a great Christmas and thanks for reading the blog. I will return in a week with a report on Christmas lunch. Danilo has invited hoards and we have a 22 lb turkey in the freezer which I will put in the shower to defrost on Tuesday. Chivirico will be here on Christmas day as well to see if Santa arrived this year. He said he doesn't want his presents under the tree from Santa, he asked Santa to hide them as he likes hunting for them as he did the first year and found them in the dog crate.