Easter comes and goes

Far too long again since my last blog post – I have no idea where the time goes.

All my brain tests were more or less normal, and I must admit the CAT scan was so impressive. For the price of US$50 you are seen immediately - the receptionist said I looked much better than last time! The results are available a few hours later and not only do you receive a written report but also photographs and a CD with even more photos on it. Here is my brain! Very impressive but Dr. Google was not very helpful in explaining what I am looking at.

Apart from the fact my brain looks like I happy face in some of the images, I have noticed no improvement in brain function. I am told it can take years so I am just getting on with it and adapting where needed. My worst performance is in the kitchen, maybe as it is there I do the most multi- tasking. As I mentioned before, my brain is like the internet – it goes slowly, and sometimes it totally switches off and I go blank – but only for a few seconds. I continue to do stupid things such as forgetting to put the cup under the coffee maker so the coffee goes all over the floor, or forgetting to put coffee in it and end up with a cup of hot water. I even put dried cat food instead of sugar in my coffee the other day. Cooking is a challenge to remember how to actually cook some recipes and I may remember one minute and then forget the next, so now I get all the ingredients out before I start. I have a wooden spoon next to my laptop when I am cooking, so I don’t forget and burn things, and a bag of washing powder when I am washing. I also write lists all the time when something comes into my head that I need to do, so I don’t forget. It is liveable with, just a little frustrating.

It has been a busy few weeks. The bookcase is finished – here is Danilo studying in his cow pyjamas.

We need more books to fill it up, but no doubt they won’t be long coming. He has started his Master’s degree in Criminal Law – which means I have been checking things on line and typing up his assignments so I am effectively also doing a Master's in Criminal Law. The university is the Dominican Open University and he is doing it part on line and part attendance so everything is done via the University website – which is appallingly slow and complicated to follow so it has taken me ages to upload assignments. I think I am getting the hang of it now.

Chivirico and Albert came for Easter week so we had to make habichuelas con dulce (sweet cream of beans), which I still loathe but it is essential Easter fare. Apparently I make the best beans that they, and Danilo, have ever tasted. Thanks to Aunt Clara's Dominican Cooking.

Knowing that they never eat vegetables at home, we had a mainly vegetarian week with vegetable chilli, dips of hummus and baba ganoush and home made naan bread.

Kids making naan bread

We also had Irish stew without meat and served with buttered cabbage. Chiv was amazed seeing that I cooked “salad” as cabbage usually eaten in salad here.

When they weren’t cooking they seemed to be fascinated with the library so it was great to see them joining Danilo in reading.

In the meantime, life goes on as normal. As I am finding it harder to write shopping lists and keep forgetting things we need to buy, Danilo is taking it upon himself to shop without a list as he knows what we need, he says. This was one of his proud purchases last week.

Yes, that is a pig's tail. I cooked it by boiling it in water with various herbs and spices, onion and garlic and then roasting it in the oven. I ate the meatier end (bit closer to the body - and  the pig's bottom) and Danilo had the tail itself. It tasted just like pork - but not sure worth doing again!

Aftermath of The Incident

So here is the update on my current condition. I am still numb and a little swollen on the left side of my face, so I can’t smile and I dribble a bit from the left side of my mouth. It feels like you have had an injection from the dentist and I look a bit like a hamster on that side, with his mouth full of sunflower seeds.

According to Danilo, I am more grumpy than usual, so he calls me Grumpy 2 as opposed to the rescue boxer who is Grumpy 1. I also have memory problems. My brain is working as if it is connected to the internet, and I want to say something but have no idea what the word is – either in Spanish or English, but then, around 30 seconds later the internet comes back and I remember the word.

Given these issues, I went to see a neurologist. There are no appointments here, so the first time I went, he wasn’t there and nor was his secretary. The second time was around 10 am, and the secretary told me I was number 19. But he didn’t arrive until 2 pm, and our last bus home is at 6 pm, so there was no way we could get home. I asked her to put me on the list for the next day. No can do as you can only ask to be put on the list on the day itself.  I had to go the next day at 8 am, to be put on the list for the afternoon. But she said I could phone as well. So, the next day I phoned at 8 am to be told I was number 6, and to get there at 2.30 pm. I did, and for some mysterious reason I had dropped from number 6 to number 8, but at 5.30 pm I got in to see the neurologist.

He said nothing could be done about my face, maybe it would improve in time, but maybe not. He told me smoking was dangerous for my health, and I replied that so was being shot and attempted suffocation and being beaten up. He shut up after that. He told me that I have a Traumatic Brain Injury, otherwise known as a TBI, and to have another cat scan and blood tests which I will do next week. In addition, he gave me a prescription for two anti-depressants. I am not depressed, but am taking the one which helps memory function which is helping a little but have not bothered with the other one, as according to Dr. Google it is for panic attacks, post traumatic stress disorder and erectile dysfunction – none of which I have.

In the meantime, Chivirico came to see how I was, and it was lovely to see him.

I went to see my American friend Grace, who comes to the country once a year with her Dominican husband. That was a lovely break and as usual she provided me with loads of kitchen equipment and baseball goodies for Chivirico and Albert.

In addition, my friend Heather was in the country, helping people in Consuelo, and she hired a car and drove all the way up here to see me. She brought the all-important Cadbury chocolate with her as well.

Grumpy Grace loves her evening cuddles

Danilo adores books, so he is building a book case along the whole of one wall in the living room and at last has put shelves in the utility room so the kitchen will be less cluttered.

Our spirit level has gone walkabout (nothing new there) so we had to check if the shelves were level using a peanut. If it rolled one way or the other, they were not straight. I think it must have been an odd shaped nut as they look a bit wonky to me.

In the meantime, Peggy, a Canadian lady has been staying for the last couple of months. She has around another month to go. Loves cleaning and mopping which is great for me, but we still managed a night out at the local bar!

Continuing story of the balcony and goats

Remember where we were with the balcony? It was yellow and green, but we ran out of yellow, so clever me used turmeric as that is yellow - but it turned red! So Danilo had a cunning plan. He painted it green with white stripes.

So now the balcony looked like a tennis court, or a ping pong table. By this stage I had given up caring what it looked like, and then we became aware of the nuclear missile launch by North Korea. "What on earth has that to do with our balcony?" you ask. Well here is the nuclear missile being wheeled out.

Spot the similarity?

So we had to change the floor as according to Danilo we might be mistaken for a Korean nuclear missile site. I did try explaining that geographically there was a slight difference between us and North Korea but the change had to be done. So back to red we went, and so far, red it has stayed.

Of course, the painting was done in what were brown flip flops.

Anyway balcony is now more or less finished and I love it. We just need some more furniture and plants and solar lights and it will be  perfect - until it falls down.

We do have some furniture - bar stools so that you can sit up, drink and look over the garden,

And this very interesting Dominican seat made out of the fibres in the leaves of the banana plant - so apparently it can be out in the rain. There are four depressions for people to sit in - and surprisingly it is comfortable, but you all have your backs to each other. So I assume it is for people who don't like each other, who don't want to talk to each other, or maybe it is a Whatsapp chair where people sit and chat away on their phones?

We have had a problem with El Criminal, the male goat who arrived a couple of months ago.

He would escape constantly, but would come to the back door, so I would go back to the paddock with him and prepare to open the gate, and then he would jump over the 4 foot tall barbed wire fence. When I went off on book tour, he would still escape but would make the rounds of the neighbours, eating all of their planted yuca and anything else he could find. So to save paying thousands of pesos in damages we bought more wire and increased the height of the fencing in the paddock to 6 feet tall. Did it work?

Yes, for 24 hours and then he would still escape. He would jump from a standing start - as if he had springs on his hooves. So, he had to go. Stepson number 2, Alberto came and collected him, and exchanged him for a pregnant lady goat called Chilli Pepper.

She is very cute, very tame and doesn't jump. Not sure when the baby or babies are due but it shouldn't be too long I don't think.

I hope you all had a good Christmas - here it was the traditional Dominican family Christmas with me cooking the supposedly traditional British Christmas dinner on 25th. However due to the oven not working (rats ate the insulation) we decided to have paella instead which you can cook on the top part of the stove rather than in the oven. Then a day before Christmas my  mum bought us a new stove which is fabulous but we stuck to the paella plan. Here we are all eating Christmas lunch, stepsons, dwendy, foster kids, granddaughter and of course Danilo.

Wishing you all the best for the New Year - who knows what delights (and disasters) it will have in store!!

Balcony and Books

The saga of the balcony continues.

Number one dwendy, Saya, who calls himself the maestro has been doing the technical work with lesser dwendies mixing the concrete etc. I told him he should wear shoes or boots as people were telling me that concrete was bad for bare feet. This was the result when putting the final skim of cement which we decided to colour rather than laying ceramic tiles which would have been expensive.

The "shoes" were flip flops and socks which wasn't exactly what I meant.

The colour was to be yellow and green, to blend in with the sun and the garden, but they didn't have enough for the last quarter, so danilo decided to buy more yellow and add it the next day. However, he still didn't have enough so clever me suggested turmeric. However, what neither of us knew is that if you add turmeric to cement it turns red!

So it now looks as if it was the location for a mass murder. Danilo says he has a plan, but I have no idea what it is nor what colour the balcony will end up.

As I mentioned last week or so, Chivirico and I are off on tour to promote and sign my books, but before then I will be appearing on what is called Spotlight Sunday on a Facebook Group called We Love Memoirs. It is a lovely group of people from all around the world who enjoy reading memoirs and who also write them, although if you are a writer you cannot promote your work, apart from if you are invited to be in Spotlight Sunday. So on Sunday December 3 I will be on line on We Love Memoirs all day answering questions. People can ask whatever they like so it should be a fun day.  If you want to join the page before then so you can ask me anything so just click the link above to join the site. I am not sure of the exact time yet, but will let you know as soon as I know.

And even more book news. Life After My Saucepans has been chosen as one of the top ten expat books of 2017 which I think is pretty amazing!  The list was compiled by the Expatbook shop and Expat Nest. You can read the full list here.

So just a reminder, for those who live on the north and north east coasts of the DR, Chiv and I will be on tour with  Life After My Saucepans and  What About Your Saucepans?  in Sosua on Thursday December 7th at Midtown Bar and Restaurant from 2 pm to 6 pm. I will be having dinner at Taberna El Conde at 7 pm if anyone wants to pop in there.On Friday evening from 7 pm I will be at Dan and Manty's Guesthouse in Las Terrenas and on Saturday at One Love Surfshack in Las Terrenas from 5 pm till 7 pm and probably later! Early next year it will be Santo Domingo and Punta Cana. 

Hoping to see you there!

Dead rats and geysers

The good news is that the balcony is still standing! The wood was taken out from under the plato and it didn't fall down. Now it is being plastered (with cement) and the next stage is for the non rottable (is that a word?) wood to be put in for the railings.

Last weekend we had a visitor. Meems, American, and fellow blog writer, came from Sosua where she lives and Danilo had arranged for Chivirico to be here too. We had a fabulous weekend helped by the fact she came laden with wine, chocolate and real American steak. She also bought me a very special gift of a limited edition picture of A Woman of Valor in Hebrew. Here is it in English.

When someone comes to stay there is lots of work to be done. Dogs have to be bathed, house has to be  mopped, beds have to be changed. On the Monday of the week Meems was due to arrive on the Friday, the hot water stopped working. The tank is situated outside at the side of the house and you just flick a switch for 20 minutes and hey presto, hot water.

After three days of nagging Danilo said he had fixed it as some wires were wet but asked Saya (Number one dwendy) to finish the job off on the Wednesday, which he did. Thursday morning I am preparing to mop and noticed there was no water in the cistern. I assumed that the lads had used it all in the plato making but as the street water was due to be piped in that day I wasn't too concerned - although to mop, you need water.

Danilo told me a pipe leading to the water tank had broken itself (Dominican speak, no one ever breaks anything, things break themselves) so off he went to Moncion to buy some new pipe. He came back, fixed the pipe and I went for a shower. My shower lasted all of 30 seconds before the newly fixed pipe fell off and the water stopped. Danilo redid the pipe. This time when he turned the water on it didn't even last 30 seconds before breaking. So all the water had to be turned off - luckily the cistern was filling up by now, but we had no water in the house.

The next day, still with no water, Danilo bought a metal pipe and that seemed to work, until he had a shower, forgot to turn the water heater off and obviously the thermostat isn't working and the release valve on the top of the tank opened sending fountains of hot steam up to the top of the house. At least now we have (boiling) hot water and water in the house for mopping but you have to remember to turn the hot water off after 10 minutes or we have our very own geyser.

Meems arrived to a clean house and I was going to cook pizza for dinner. I opened the oven to switch it on and was faced with the appalling smell of decomp as they say on the crime shows on TV. I slammed the oven shut and yelled at Danilo to start the barbecue. I assume there is a dead rat under the oven but we can't get it out so until we can the oven is unusable.

So we had a useless water heater (fixed), a useless oven (not fixed) and then the fridge packed up (fixed by fridgeman).

A new goat was delivered by Alberto. His name is El Criminal, and apparently he is a young Boer goat, bred for meat. He has no horns and is furrier than the others and seems to be fitting in well. Here is Danilo carrying him to the paddock in the rain.

And here is El Criminal in all his glory

Finally, the book signing tour is sorted. I will bring copies of Life After My Saucepans and some of What About Your Saucepans? and will also sign any you might have.I will be starting it in Sosua on Thursday December 7th and in the afternoon will be at Midtown Bar and Restaurant from 2 pm to 6 pm. I will be having dinner at Taberna El Conde at 7 pm if anyone wants to pop in there.On Friday evening from 7 pm I will be at Dan and Manty's Guesthouse in Las Terrenas and on Saturday at One Love Surfshack in Las Terrenas from 5 pm till 7 pm.. Early next year it will be Santo Domingo and Punta Cana.  Obviously I cannot go on the road without a bodyguard, so Chivirico will be coming with me. Hopefully as many people as possible will turn up for a chat!

And it's Platoday.

Today it is Platoday. In other words the day the plato - or concrete floor is laid on the balcony. The last time we had a plato done it was on top of the guest house in Juan Dolio and I remember it distinctly as it was the day I was shot - July 21, 2006. Here's hoping history doesn't repeat itself.

Laying, pouring whatever you call it, the plato is a major job. First wood is put over the walls they built out of block and underneath the wood there are posts made from tree branches.

Here is Danilo sawing the wood, with a machete and hammer. Yes that is an electric saw behind him but apparently it burned out. It was attached to this... not sure why.

Anyway so now all the wood is laid and Danilo has to have a little snooze, as only Dominicans know how. He can sleep anywhere and anytime.

The next job is to make a sort of web of iron bars - varilla - to give the concrete strength and stop it breaking I am told.

We have tubes which will go in place for electric wiring so we can light the balcony and other tubes (well Gatorade bottles) which will allow the water to drain off it.

You can see the piece of wood at the top of the picture which is leading into the house. Next to my desk. Where I am working.

So what happens it that the guys at the front are mixing cement, gravel, sand and water.

They take their shoes off so as not to dirty their shoes - sort of home made concrete boots.Then they wheel the cement in the wheelbarrow through the living room, past my desk, onto the balcony and tip it out.

Please note my new desk with its signs which say"Be Quiet" in Spanish, callate as I spend all day long saying that, plus a picture of my mum saying"Be Quiet" as she always says that to Danilo (although he did ask me why she was saying Biscuit). The middle sign says La Jefa, the boss, just in case anyone forgets.

The wheelbarrow goes down the ramp and usually it falls over by itself and tips the cement out. Meanwhile, Saya (number one dwendy for those of you who read What about my Saucepans? ) sort of smooths it out, as it will have tiles put on top, and I would rather they are not wonky. It gets smoothed using a piece of wood which you can see at the top left of this picture

So here is hoping it will work. I have a sneaky suspicion that underneath the balcony it is dripping cement out and we have to wait 9 days I think before all the wooden supports underneath and all of the plywood is taken away. Then it is the moment of truth to see if the concrete stays in place - and for how long. Given past experience I cannot say I am feeling 100% confident.

Watch this space as they say.

And the readers keep coming

Following the visit of Bahama and Harriet, and the birth of their namesake goats, a week or so later came two more lots of book readers.

This time it was Peter and Lisa, from England, who only came for a few hours but were laden with goodies from the UK. Chocolate, oxo cubes, curry spices, and even OMG parsnips. What a treat. They also brought vitamins for distribution to the local families, plasters (as the ones here don't stick), loads of shirts for kids at school and a catapult for Chivirico (which Danilo promptly nicked) as well as a set of toy saucepans for me!

It was lovely to see them and chat, and they enjoyed seeing Wasp House come to life, and of course, loved seeing the baby goats. Here is Lisa with Bahama.

Then this Friday, more readers. Keith and Elaine from the Isle of Man, their taxi driver Speedy Rodriguez and my friend Shirley. Elaine and Keith have an apartment In Cabarete and as Keith explains: "The loose plan behind today was that a friend on the Isle of Man had given Elaine two books to bring with her on this trip, which were an autobiography of life for an English woman, who moved to the Dominican Republic. Elaine was so engrossed, she read the entire first book on the flight over here. Imagine her surprise when she recognised some of the people who were mentioned in the book, including [for those of you a little slow at guessing] Shirley. Yes, the author is Lindsay. The dam (Moncion dam), with it's amazing views is mentioned in book two, so that was the 'excuse' for the trip out. It was a surprise for Elaine, as she didn't know we were going to meet Lindsay, although she guessed en-route when the dogs were mentioned, in particular 'Goofy' the Great Dane. By the time of the trip, Elaine had also polished off book two, which covers the time since Lindsay and Danilo moved in to their current home, so Elaine had the slightly surreal experience of meeting people and being in the house that she'd been reading about, leaving her with a peculiar sense of de-ja-vu."

Having visited the goats, eaten Danilo's Sancocho (what was left of it as the neighbours smelled it cooking and queued up at the gate with an assortment of pots and dishes to get some), Danilo took them off to the dam, and then for icecream, while Shirley and I caught up on the gossip.

Here is Angelo the taxidriver with the goats, you can contact him here

And Danilo at the dam with Elaine and Keith

Before they left everyone bought some books, which was lovely, and we had a little signing session,

It is so nice meeting readers of Saucepans, and lovely listening to them exclaiming as they see things they have read about.

The balcony is making slow progress, the wood is now being laid to be filled in with concrete and Danilo has had the balcony furniture delivered which is made of banana leaves. Apparently it doesn't rot in the rain. It arrived yesterday, together with a proper desk for me, which is enormous, so now I feel like an executive. The banana seats need mending in places so this afternoon Danilo is off to find an old man who apparently is expert in making furniture out of banana leaves.

This morning, the guy who brought the furniture up last night, Vasilio and Danilo and Chivirico took the dogs for a walk. Apart from Meg who won't go without me, and Goofy who refuses to walk on a lead - he just lies down. Having stood crying at the gate waiting for Lobo to return, for 30 minutes, I am hoping he will now see the advantage of walking on a lead.

The next few weeks will be busy as we have visitors planned for the weekend of November 10, then I am hoping to start my book signing tour, in Sosua and Las Terrenas and then later in Santo Domingo and Punta Cana. Watch this space for details.

Here we go again

So, remember the tale of the balcony?

The house has lovely patio doors all across the back of it

So there is an amazing view and I can have all the doors open which is like being outside even though you are inside. But there is an 8 foot drop outside of the windows.

So we built a balcony out of treated wood so it wouldn't rot or be eaten by termites. Many visitors like to sit outside on the balmy Caribbean evenings and some like to grab a bit of sunshine during the day.

It was on wooden tree trunks so looked a bit like Brighton Pier and even had a little staircase down into the dog house.

It was a lovely balcony, great to sit out on and all the visitors loved it. However, bit by bit it collapsed.

And collapsed a bit more

Until it totally fell down and was recycled as hen houses and goat houses. Now just like the phoenix it is rising again from the ashes - only this time in concrete. The dogs were amazed as bags and bags of cement were unloaded into the house. Here are Rasputin and Canguru watching on.

I am once again surrounded by semi naked men digging and laying blocks

The plan is there will be walls of concrete blocks and then they will build a wooden frame which will be placed on top of the walls and will be filled with concrete, left for 3 weeks then the wood is taken away and it (apparently) won't fall down.

Now Mr.  Always thinking of New Ideas Danilo, had the idea that chickens (or other animals) will live under the balcony so although this looks like a row of public toilets it will actually be a row of animal houses. Not sure what animals he has planned - just hope it isn't pigs. Once the concrete floor/roof is ready there will be treated (haha) wooden railings and a tiled floor. Wonder how long this one will last. It is much bigger than the last one so could work as a dance floor or roller skating rink as well.

On the goat front they are all still adorable and mother Oregano seems to think it is funny that her kids are inside the bran bowl.

I will leave you with what I see every morning when I go out to call them for their breakfast. They are usually right at the end of the second paddock so around 1000 metres away. It is always fun to bet on who will win the race.