Holiday in England

Wrist slapping time as it has been over 2 months since the last post. I do have a raft of excuses such as being in England, followed by the flu, followed by what I am calling The Incident which I will explain about in the next blog post.

So off I went to England - alone, as there was no visa for Danilo and Chivirico. It was a long journey to the airport, around 12 hours on three different buses but it was simple enough and the long distance buses are very comfy with aircon, big seats and wifi so it was actually nice to relax.

I was met in Punta Cana by my great friend Ilana and her husband Pedro and spent a lovely night and the next day with them and Ilana's friends before being taken to the airport for the 8.30 pm flight. Fab flight and I had three seats to myself so I managed to sleep all the way to England. This was my first time on a plane for 12 years and they had certainly been upgraded with seat back TVs and loads of channels to choose from.

Mum met me at the airport and looked exactly the same as the last time I was in England some 12 years ago - how you go from age 74 to 86 looking the same I have no idea but just hope I do the same!

To be honest it was all a bit overwhelming at first. We stopped about an hour from the airport so I could get some coffee and smoke a cigarette  - not necessarily in that order - and as I had no English money I asked mum for 10 pence to get a coffee. She laughed and gave me a 10 pound note - around US$13. I walked into the store and there was the coffee machine. First I had to choose what type of coffee I wanted and there were a million choices most of which I had never heard of - so I pressed cappuccino. Next, small, medium or large. Did that, got my cup, put it in the right place, out came the coffee and then it told me to use my App. No idea what the machine was talking about so I went to the cashier and she told me to use my App to scan something. I explained I had no idea what she or the machine was talking about,  so I paid in cash (think around 2.50 pounds - bit more than the 10 pence I expected). What was it with all the Apps - they had invaded the country, everything was scanned or Apped or whatever - I think I was the only person paying in cash in every place we went to.

I stayed for three weeks. I spent time not only with my mum but my aunt and uncle, brother, sister and brother in law, cousins, friends and it was quite simply the best holiday I have ever had. The food was out of this world, all the things I cannot get here, and I managed to put on 10 pounds in weight! Rather than telling you all about it in words, here are just a few of the pictures I took over the three weeks.

Fresh raspberries and cream

Roast lamb, sprouts, new potatoes, peas, mint sauce!

English breakfast!

The local town, St. Ives, Cambridgeshire

Mother's cutlery drawer - so organised!

Sister's spice rack - alphabetical order of course

Mushrooms!!!!!!!

House in mum's village. I had forgotten how beautiful England is.

Local pub in Houghton where I spent many a misspent hour in my youth!

Another house in the village I grew up in, Houghton

Frosty Christmas morning in mum's back garden

Christmas lunch including PARSNIPS and Yorkshire pudding. Beef barbecued by brother in law, Gary.

I went through a whole range of emotions in England - not sad ones at all. It was so lovely to be with family and I had forgotten how much I loved them all. It was also interesting to compare life in England with my life in the DR, and rather than explaining it here, please do go to Janet Given's website and blog where I have done a guest post for her on how I felt. When you are on the site, do check out the other blog posts and the rest of the site ,as Janet is a well known writer and author and I know you will enjoy browsing. I came across her when I read her book At home on the Kazakh Steppe which is about her time in the Peace Corps when she did just what I did and gave it all up and ended up in Kazakhstan. Fabulous book and well worth a read!

In a few days (I promise) I will blog again to keep you up to date. In the meantime, here is Grumpy, the mangy boxer who turned up here a few months ago. Not mangy anymore!

On the road and the continuing chicken traumas

Apologies for not blogging for a while – it has been a busy couple of weeks.

Firstly we had visitors from Canada, which meant the house had to be cleaned, dogs washed, guest beds made and food bought. Once they arrived they had to be given their instructions: No toilet paper in the toilet, it has to go in the bin next to the loo. No using of electrical equipment such as the toaster or coffee maker when we are using the inverter as the electricity is off. Never drink the water out of the tap. Yes the internet does go off sometimes - just wait for it to come back on. No, the colmado doesn't sell peanut butter, you have to drive 2 to 3 hours to get that. They must feel they had gone to the back of beyond, and no going to fancy restaurants, instead I got them shucking peas for rice and peas for lunch.

Then I was invited  to go to Puerto Plata on the north coast to speak about “What About Your Saucepans?” at the Meeting Place, which is a lovely English speaking bookshop and more. You can see their website here. It is located in a beautiful Victorian building in Puerto Plata.

And there I am next to the seriously great Dominican authors!

Off to Santiago then for a couple of days work, then back to campo land.

So I am sure you are desperate to know how the chickens are doing.  The hens are still not laying eggs and Danilo has decided the reason is that the big beautiful noisy cockerel is gay. The Dominican word for a cockerel bonking a hen is pisar, which literally means to tread. I find that interesting, as when reading Chaucer’s the Nun’s Priest Tale at school, Chanticleer(the cockerel) trod Pertelote (the hen). Or as Chaucer says "and trad hire eke as ofte". Obviously some link there. Well our cockerel wants nothing to do with the hens and spends all day long puffing his feathers up at next door's cockerel through the fence.

Anyway, as we had no eggs, I was dispatched to the convent to get some from the nuns and was told to ask them if their chickens had been “pisado” by a cockerel. Personally I think that is a tad personal to ask a nun so I didn’t, plus I can’t use the verb without giggling, and I had no idea why the sex life of the hens was so important. I was to find out.

The next thing I knew was the neighbour gave us a batch of eggs from a hen who had been trodden by a cockerel, or whatever we say in English, and one of our hens is now lying on the eggs, so I assume they will hatch. No idea why we need more chickens as unless the cockerel does what he is supposed to we won't ever have any eggs as it appears that Dominican hens do need to be trodden or trod or whatever before they lay - whatever Google says.

The ducks now have a pond rather than a wheelbarrow, but they have had to be separated from the chickens as a couple of chickens committed suicide and drowned in their new pond.

It still doesn't look like an English duck pond, but I suppose it is a bit better than a wheelbarrow.

El barrio de los acotaos

Bubbly one of my cats went missing about a week ago.

He does tend to wander off a bit, but is a very friendly cat and loves everyone so I wasn't too concerned, but as the days passed and no sign I asked Danilo and Hector to investigate. Later that day we sat down for lunch and I asked if they had any news.
"Yes," said Hector, "He is in Barrio de los Acotaos."
A barrio is a neighbourhood and most towns have several, with names like Barrio Lindo (Pretty neighbourhood), Barrio Duarte - named after one of the founding fathers and they can also have what are to us strange names such as Barrio los Chicharrones which is Pork Scratchings neighbourhood.
I am well used to odd place names, so I said without really thinking what it meant,
"Where is Barrio de los Acotaos?"
"Over there," said Hector, waving his arm in the general direction of the wood.
"Well, he will be home soon," I said confidently.
"Err, I don't think so," interrupted Danilo. "No one returns from Barrio del los Acotaos".
"Why on earth not?" I asked. "Well, I will just go and get him then. Now where exactly is it?"

There was silence, and then I thought about the name. Acotao was probably really acostado which means sleeping, laying down - policia acostado are sleeping policemen in the road or speed bumps.

"Bubbly is dead." announced Danilo. "He was playing with some baby chicks in the next campo to us and the owner was not happy about it, so he shot him with a shotgun."

Rest in Peace, Bubbly, in the Barrio de los Acotaos

Valentine's Day

In English we talk about finding our soul mate, or discuss our other half, or our better half. In Dominican Spanish the word for soul mate is your half an orange! Not strange really given Dominicans' fascination with food I suppose.

So, being in a mushy mood as it is Valentine's day, I was thinking that it isn't easy to think you have found your soul mate when you don't speak the same language, have the same background, education, traditions, culture and everything else, but in the end I think the orange wins through.

Thanks to Mari for the picture that she posted on Facebook. I love it.

The translation says. God will never give you half an onion who will make you cry. Nor half a lemon who will make your life bitter. God will give you your half an orange who will help you with everything, care for you and love you for eternity.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy New Year (and more on Dominican Men)

Happy New Year to you all and thanks again for reading. I have just checked the statistics for the last year and this blog has had 33,000 visits from 15,000 people in an amazing 130 countries. People from the USA visit it most, followed by Canada, the Dominican Republic, UK, France, Australia, Netherlands and Spain. We have one reader in Papua and New Guinea, one in Kazakhstan and one in Ethiopia! Amazing really and very rewarding to think that people all over the world are reading about the DR and my life in the barrio.

Those reading the blog last year

Last night was New Years Eve, and my husband cooked our traditional New Years Eve meal, san cocho.

It was just the family, he and I and the two boys, plus Chivirico and his aunt. A great time was had by all, but I must admit I was tucked up and well asleep by midnight.

I hope you all have a great 2013, and to start it off with a smile a little more on the culture of Dominican men.


Standard conversation with English man when I realise the car is missing.

Q: Where is the car?
A: I lent it to Jim as his isn’t working and he needs to pick up his wife.  He will bring it back in an hour.

Same conversation with a Dominican man

Q: Where is the car?
No reply. (The question often needs to be repeated. It has been suggested to me that husband suffers from Attention Deficit Syndrome. Personally I think it is damaged hearing due to years of loud music, or, more probably, Ignore The Question if the Answer is Difficult Syndrome).
Q: Where is the car?
A: Viene pronto. It will be here soon.
Q: I didn’t ask when it would be back, I asked where it was.
A: Casi esta llegando. It is almost here.
Q: Yes but where is it now.
A: No esta lejo. Not far away.
Q: Where exactly?
A: Cerca. Close
Q: Who has the car?
A: Ese viene. It’s coming.
Q: (Shouting by now) Where is the bloody car?

Standard phone call with English man

Q: Hi, where are you?
A: I am at Jim’s house discussing the car. I will be home in 30 minutes.

Same conversation with a Dominican man

Q: Hi, where are you?
A: Aqui. Here.
Q: Where exactly is here?
A: Aqui abajo. Here further down.
Q: What are you doing there?
A: Nada. Nothing.
Q: So why are you there doing nothing?
A: Hablando. Talking.
Q: Who are you talking to?
A: Hablando disparate. Talking rubbish.
Q: Who are you talking rubbish with?
A: Nadie. No one.
Q: When are you coming home?
A: Ahorita. Later
Q: Just so I get this right. You are there,wherever there is, talking rubbish with no one and will be back later.
A: Exactamente.

As you can see, Dominican men are excellent at not answering the question. I used to find it frustrating, now I find it amusing and any conversation asking for information is a challenge. There seems to be a total confusion between where and when. If I ask stepson where his brother is, he always says he will be back soon. Most odd.  I am sure it is not done deliberately, it is just the way it is.

How to understand a Dominican Man

I receive several emails from foreign ladies who have Dominican boyfriends or husbands asking for information or advice, so I thought it might be useful every so often to tell you what I have learned over the last 10 years, living with and then married to a wonderful Dominican man, and also bringing up two stepsons.

When I learned Spanish and could more or less speak it and understand it, I thought life would be a lot easier, in that I could understand perfectly what my husband was saying to me. But not only do you have to translate from Spanish into English so that you get it, firstly you have to translate from Dominican Man Spanish into Spanish and then into English.

Let me explain. Time within a relationship is totally different from normal time. Dominican men live in a sort of space bubble.  When he goes out there are only three times. Five minutes, twenty minutes and then two hours. Five minutes is up to an hour, or an hour and a half but never ever five minutes. Twenty minutes is around three hours and two hours is all day. So lesson one is always make that translation and you will not be hanging around waiting.

Of course they often do not tell you how long they will be, as many Dominican men have a habit of just disappearing and you have no idea where they have gone or when they will be back! One minute you think he watching TV and the next minute he is nowhere to be seen. We had some friends coming to see us a month or so ago from a long way away. They weren't planning to stay long, just an hour or two. They arrived and he was nowhere to be seen. I called and he answered. He was miles away in town, and had just gone without saying a word! I told him to move his ass back sharpish - "Mueve tu culo!"

Or they may say they will be back ahorita - later. That is a very dangerous word as it could be days, not just minutes or hours.

When they return from whatever, you will ask why they are so late and what they have been doing. The answer will always begin with "Lo que pasa..." which means "well what happened...". I have learned that anything at all which follows this phrase will not be the whole truth! So lesson two is whatever follows "Lo que pasa.." should not be believed!

And finally, another dodgy word is "Claro". Not the telephone and internet company, but the word meaning of course. You ask if they will be back on time and they answer "Claro", "Of course". The translation of this word is "No way". Telephone and ask if they have been to the supermarket and the answer is always "Claro" when they haven't!

So, living with a Dominican man is great fun and fabulous as long as you learn the new translations for words you thought you knew.


If you want to know more about relationships with Dominican men and read real life stories then check out www.drsisterhood.com. It is a site for anyone who wants to know about the country and the people.

Also, to learn more about Dominican men and the culture of the country, you can read my two books "What About Your Saucepans?' and "Life After My Saucepans." They tell my story, warts and all, how I made the decision to leave the UK and come to the DR and the ups and downs of living with and marrying a Dominican Man. Most readers love them, and they are both best sellers on Amazon. You can buy then in  kindle and paperback versions on all of the Amazons sites, in Chapters as well in Canada, and on Smashwords for the iPhone, Kobo and Nook versions. I hope you enjoy them and please let me know what you think of them and if you have time, leave a review as well!

You say goodbye and I say hello

I am sure the Beatles must have come to the Dominican Republic when they wrote that song.

The Dominicans must be the most friendly nation on earth, and whenever you pass someone in the street, the least you do is say "hello" or wrinkle your nose or shake their hand. However, I have noticed that when I say 'hola' the response is "adios" which means goodbye. I suppose there is no less reason to say goodbye as opposed to hello as you are walking past someone, but I am not sure if I am supposed to say "adios" too.

There are a whole range of other greetings. I could say "buen dia" which means good day, or, more likely, shorten it to "buenos". I could say "entonces" which means "so", but you don't wait for the answer. Another option would be "Que dice ese hombre?" which means "what does this man say?" I have heard men use that more than women so I haven't tried that one yet.

Often people will say,"Como va todo?" which is "How is everything?"

But what I really want to know when I walk past someone is if I say hello should the response be goodbye, or hello. And should I say goodbye instead of hello?

Anyone know the answer?

A Dominican in the USA

Husband gone to America for a month to study. He was very excited as the last time he went to the US it was as part of a karate team and they weren't allowed to leave where they were staying apart from when being transported to the tournament.

He messages me every day, in English.
Me: How is the food?
Him: Morole
Me: Is it cold?
Him: Esokey. Only sontay.
Me: It's very hot here
Him: Ansory.
Me: Bye
Him: Si you leta

Speak in a Dominican accent and you should be able to work it out!
Anyway, having arrived on the course along with 18 other Dominicans, they have been told they cannot leave the place where the course is being held either. No going out, no visitors. I assume those in charge think they will all run away and disappear. Those on student visas are never allowed to leave and those with full visitors visas such as my husband, can have 2 days off in the month. They eat Dominican food, and he was looking forward to burgers and steak. Such a shame that all those students really looking forward to seeing the US will only see the airport.

N is for No

My A to Z of the Dominican Republic continues with the letter N and what I think is probably the most used word - No.

It comes in various forms: No se (pronounced say) means 'I don't know' and is used whenever you ask the kids where something is, or where they have put something. Usually it is not where it was as it has been eaten or used. The conversation goes like this.
"Where is the peanut butter?"
"No se"
"Well it was in the fridge and it's not there now."
"No fue yo." That means it wasn't me - another No.

No se is used all the time and drives me mad!

The second No is 'No hay', pronouced eye. Hay means there is or there are, so no hay means there isn't and there never is.
You go to the petrol station and there stuck on the pump are the dreaded words - 'No Hay' - no petrol.

You go into a restaurant and order some food to be told "No hay" - whatever you ordered is not available.

I remember ordering Thai prawns in a very upscale beach restaurant to be told 'No hay.'  I asked if it was the prawns which were 'No hay'  or something else, and was told "No hay lechuga," in other words there was no lettuce.  I said I would have the prawns without lettuce or could they go and buy a lettuce from the supermarket over the road. Apparently not possible. "No hay!"

Throughout the country there are signs saying 'No hay.' You go to the colmado and ask " Hay agua?" The answer often is "No hay." You then say can you give me four pork chops. Answer is "No hay."

My third No is the one that really drives me mad. No sirve. This is pronounced silvy or sirvy depending on the accent - sometimes it is hard to know if words have an r or an l.  It means it is no good or it doesn't work and once again is used all the time.

If you call a plumber out to look at a broken tap, the first thing he will say is "No sirve."  Now I know it bloody doesn't sirve and what I need is to get it fixed! If you have a flat tyre on the road someone will stop and help you which is lovely of them, but you can guarantee the first words out of their mouth will be "No sirve."

It is not just used when things are broken.  When my kitten pees on the floor, the kitten 'no sirve'. When baseball players don't play well, they 'no sirve.' When perfectly good shoes have been worn a few times, according to the kids they 'no sirve.'  When you buy a pumpkin the Dominicans knock on it, then half of the time say not to buy it as 'no sirve'. I have no idea how you can tell if it sirve or not!

So that is my letter N - N for No!

Dominican Espany

When I first arrived in the Dominican Republic, I could not speak a word of Spanish. However, I could speak French and German, and having learnt languages before I assumed it would not be that difficult. What I did not realise was that Dominican Spanish is different. To start with they do not pronounce any of the letter 's'. It does not matter where it is in the word - it disappears. Plus they tend to leave off the endings of the words.

This sign, belonging to a funeral parlour, should say "Por favor, no traes muertos despues de la 6" which means please do not bring dead people after 6 o' clock. As you can see, spelling is obviously not a strong point - and remember to die in the day time.

As well as not pronouncing the letter 's'. there are many words which Dominican Spanish has taken from English, although at first they are not really recognisable. In sport for example there is Bakebo, Gol and Beybol. Food and drink such as wiki, sanwee and hamberge.

Here they managed to spell Gas Station correctly - gas being petrol - but struggled a bit with wash!

There are many other words too which can take a while to decipher: pantis, swiche (switch), aypo - this is hard - an Ipod, tapee (tape), teni (tennis

shoes), poloshe (t shirt), chelon (chaise longue) and emay (e-mail).

In addition, Dominican Spanish will we use the brand name such as Hoover for all similar appliances. So a razor blade is a Gilay (Gillette), washing powder is Fa (fab), porridge oats are Quacker.

The missing out of the 's' can make it very hard to understand at first. Como tu ta should be como tu estas or how are you. I remember asking my husband if the cats needed food. "No, tan full" he replied, which should have been "no, ellos estan full". Another English word creeping in there.

Driving around is always fun as everywhere you go there are signs to decipher. This one here says "It is prohibited to wash pigs". Then it states law 64-00 - I had no idea there was a law against washing pigs.

So if you are learning Dominican Spanish - good luck to you. On paper it seems easy enough, it is just when you are listening to people or trying to read what they have written that things get difficult.