The sad tale of the crisps

One of the things I miss living here is British food. And before you all start saying the Brits can’t cook, I swear to you, British comfort food is the best in the world.
The last time I was in the UK was 2006, so over 6 years ago and I dream of a proper English roast dinner.

I also dream of blackberry crumble and cream – have never seen fresh blackberries here, nor fresh cream, just UHT stuff which is not the same.

I also long for parsnips, especially roast one, but have some seeds that I am praying will work in the new house as it will be colder in the mountains. I tried to plant them before but no luck.

And Bird’s custard powder – bananas and custard , or apple pie and custard, or I could even put it on my blackberry crumble instead of cream.

And I also miss the snack food. There is very little to snack on here. The crisps (I think Americans call them chips, which is what we Brits call french fries) are oily and not many interesting flavours, and apart from that there are just biscuits. The chocolate is horrid. I miss Cadbury Fruit and Nut. No one makes chocolate like Cadbury.

And Walnut Whips where you can bite the top off and suck out all the marshmallow then eat the chocolate and the little walnut which hides at the bottom under the marshmallow.

And I really miss decent crisps. Like Walkers Cheese and Onion.

And therein lies the tale. A friend went back to the UK and bought me 6 packets of Walkers Cheese and Onion crisps. Unless you have been without for 6 years you cannot know how excited I was. Much of the excitement is in the anticipation and imagining how they will taste. She flew home via New York and had to overnight in a hotel and came to chat on line. This is the conversation.
Her: “Hi, I am here in hotel and am starving.”
Me: “Oh, go and eat in the restaurant then.”
Her: “There isn't a restaurant. I will just eat a packet of your crisps.”
Me: “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
Too late. She ate a packet. Can you imagine the pain? So near and yet so far. 1 down, 5 to go.
I went to see her for the weekend with Chivirico to pick up my crisps. We were coming back on the bus and Chivirico announces he is hungry. “Eat a raw mushroom,” I said. “I want crisps,” he replied. “Think again. You are not touching my Cheese and Onion crisps.” Quivering lip and I gave in. 2 down, 4 to go.
Arrived home and put crisps in bedroom for safe keeping. In the morning, 2 packets gone. Investigation carried out, appears husband and stepson did not realise value of said crisps. 4 down, 2 to go.
Next day Chivirico in the bedroom watching cartoons while I was working – 5 down, 1 to go.
Yesterday I prepared myself to watch television and at last eat my Cheese and Onion crisps. I dreamed about it all morning as I was working. I sat on the bed, opened the packet and savoured the smell. I ate my first crisp. Fabulous. Then someone yelled at the gate, so I ran out. I returned to the bedroom to see dog licking lips and one empty packet of Cheese and Onion crisps on the floor.
Moral of story. Trust no one when crisps are around.